Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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