Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
