Small penises have feelings too.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
