Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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