Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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