I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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