So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
