You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
