what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
