Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
