At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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