my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
