don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i love accidental penises.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
did i just pee glitter
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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