We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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