I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
