Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
