im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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