she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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