had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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