she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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