Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
