if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize