In the future we'll all be gay
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
