I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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