What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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