just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
