his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
