erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
