White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
