Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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