I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
