I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
