so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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