I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
