yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
