Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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