I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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