She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
