ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
