youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you inspire me to be a worse person
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
