I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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