It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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