if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
