yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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