Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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