i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
