You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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