you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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