We won't sleep together?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
