Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize