I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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