either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
