My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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