if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
