You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
