gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
