i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
