I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
