I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
