shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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