never play flip cup with pint glasses
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
