We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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