this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
